Late night messages
by JoJo1001
Summary: I'm so annoyed at what they've done to Danny and Lindsay...This is a poor attempt to make things better. I'm not sure I even want her to take him back, there is no excuse.
1. Chapter 1

"So let me get dis straight." Danny said frowning as he looked at the husband of their victim who they'd thought was having an online affair based on some instant messages they'd found on his computer. "Ya had an affair wit ya own wife?" He asked hoping they could disprove it since he was their only suspect.

"Not an affair." The man said sighing heavily. "We've been having problems." He admitted. "We met online and things were so good, I mean I'm not good with words when I'm talking but when we first met it was like we shared everything." He said blue eyes bright with tears. "So when she moved out into her sisters house I thought it would be a way we could talk and it was working." He said shrugging lightly. "It was like old times and we started talking through our problems, she just moved back home." He said face collapsing with tears.

"Do you know anyone who might want to hurt her?" Lindsay asked softly and he shook his head no.

"Aright we'll be in touch." Danny said standing up and walking out glancing over at Lindsay noting that she still looked hurt. "Don't tell me ya believe him?" He asked as they walked into their office.

"I believe him." She said avoiding Danny's eye contact and sitting. "Those emails were nice, he was trying to get his wife back." She said shrugging and tossing the stack of emails he hadn't read to him.

"Huh." He said frowning. "Looks like she wasn't interested at first." He said glancing at the first transcripts. "Wonder what he did?"

"I'll just let you read that." She said standing up and grabbing her jacket.

"Lindsay." He said jumping up and looking around. "Maybe we can go grab some supper?" He asked hoping that at some point she'd if not forgive him at least talk to him. He knew he hurt her, he wasn't stupid but he wasn't ready to face living without her.

"I'm just gonna go home." She said shaking her head and walking out. She couldn't talk to him, she wasn't ready to let him see what he'd done to her and one look into her eyes and he'd see. He'd been honest, at least she thought he was being honest when he told her it was a one time thing with Rikki but his having sex with someone else made her doubt everything that they'd ever had. More than her trust had been broken, her heart was broken and she had to keep up a good front, had to work with him everyday. He kept asking her to do things, she knew he wanted to try to make it up to her and didn't know how but she wasn't ready, didn't know if she'd ever be ready at this point. She knew all about pain, she also knew about pushing people away was an expert but hadn't really had it happen to her. She felt guilty for pushing people away in the past, for hurting them knowing now how bad it hurt. She closed her eyes on the subway letting her mind wander, thinking about him with her. What hurt more than the fact that he had sex with her was that he obviously trusted her, felt comfortable sharing his pain with her. "Stop it." She said out loud opening her eyes fighting tears of pain and humiliation. She pulled out a magazine knowing that thinking about it was only going to make her feel worse and she didn't want to end up bawling on the subway even if no one would notice.

"What?" She asked out loud as she heard her computer make a buzzing sound. She put her soup down and walked over frowning as she saw an invitation from NYCowboy. "Ok." She said typing in a response that she didn't know who it was and no thanks. She was almost back to the couch when the computer buzzed again and she walked back over an annoyed expression on her face. "Thought it was worth a try, I'm willing to fight for us." She whispered sinking down onto the chair. "Dammit Danny." She said softly staring at the computer. He was doing what their suspect had done and she wasn't sure she was ready to even hear him. "Shit shit shit." She swore fighting the urge to bang her head on the desk. This wouldn't be so hard if she didn't love him, didn't want to hear why he couldn't trust her. "Fine." She said accepting the invitation to chat creating a user profile of Stillhurtcountrygirl.

NYCowboy- That's some user name.

Stillhurtcountry- I thought it was appropriate.

NYCowboy-So uh what's your name?

Stillhurtscountry- Sally.

NYCowboy- Sally huh, that's an interesting name.

Stillhurtscountry- Thanks….

NYCowboy- My name is Tony…So you seeing anyone?

"You're an idiot Messer." He said out loud after he'd sent the message. He was trying to do like the suspect had done, at first they pretended not to know each other but he really expected her to log off at any second.

Stillhurtscountry- I don't know. I was but I'm not sure where we stand.

NYCowboy- Sounds like he messed up.

Stillhurtscountry- We both messed up we're experts at pushing people away but yeah he really hurt me.

NYCowboy- Did he try to talk to you?

Stillhurtscountry- Yes, right now I can't listen, I just don't know how to hear him. To many thoughts inside my head. Believe it or not I'm not usually the kind of girl men cheat on.

NYCowboy- You know they say that cheating isn't about sex.

Stillhurtscountry- People who say that obviously haven't been cheated on. I'm aware of the saying and I think that hurts worse, that he couldn't come to me, to trust me.

NYCowboy- Maybe he was scared. Maybe he didn't want you to think of him like a weak little man.

Stillhurtscountry- But he trusted her, was able to be vulnerable with her so I guess he'll never know how I would have reacted.

NYCowboy- He probably didn't trust her, he probably felt guilty, like he owed her for taking someone away from her. He didn't mean to sleep with her but he was trying to be there for her, he knew she was in pain and it might have been easier for him to take care of someone than to admit that he needed you.

Stillhurtscountry-To bad he didn't owe it to me to come to me, his girlfriend when he was hurting.

NYCowboy- Ouch…I'm sure he regrets that decision more than anything.

Stillhurtscountry- I don't doubt that he does but I don't know that I can get past it.

NYCowboy- He's probably willing to do anything.

Stillhurtscountry- I can't stand the thought of him holding her, of touching her like he touched me. I don't sleep around and I thought what we had was special, I thought he knew that.

NYCowboy- He probably didn't hold her, it was probably nothing like what you and him have, it was probably just mindless because he can't be mindless with you. With you it's mental and physical and maybe mindless fucking has been his crutch for years, the way he gets through a tough time. Maybe he just saw a way to forget about his pain, to drown it but that doesn't mean that what you and him had wasn't special.

Stillhurtscountry- So I'm not supposed to be hurt? He still had sex with her.

NYCowboy- Do you think you can ever trust him again?

Stillhurtscountry- I don't know, I don't think I can trust myself anymore.

NYCowboy- He didn't mean to fuck all this up, didn't mean to hurt you, he just wanted to hurt himself. Maybe subconsciously he was afraid you'd leave him, that you'd think about what happened with Ruben and realize how much better you could do. Maybe he didn't want you to know how bad he was hurting because you'd see that he really was to blame.

Stillhurtscountry- Whatever did or didn't happen with us I would never blame him about Ruben's death, it wasn't his fault. He could sleep with all the women in the world and lie to me but I know he'd never intentionally hurt a child. What happened was an accident and he followed protocal and it sucks but it did happen and he's got to find some way to get past it. I only hope him sleeping with her helped him.

NYCowboy- It probably didn't, he probably stood in front of your apartment every night, trying to get up the courage to knock. He probably wanted to answer every time you called but knew that he'd fall apart.

Stillhurtscountry- Well at least he could trust her to help him even if he couldn't trust me, I might be hurt and pissed but I don't want him to be on his own in this, I hope he can still at least talk to her.

NYCowboy- He probably moved, couldn't walk into his apartment without seeing what he'd done to his life. He probably told her that he was sorry about what happened but he couldn't let it happen again, that he had a girlfriend and he had to try to save it.

Stillhurtscountry- To bad he can't open up to me like you can.

NYCowboy- I guess you can say anything when you have nothing left to lose. I had this great girlfriend, she was perfect for me. First woman I ever could see myself settling down with but I messed it up. I should have been honest with her right from the start of our relationship, should have told her a bunch of stuff about my family so that when shit went down I wouldn't have been so afraid to go to her, wouldn't have been so afraid of her learning my secrets.

Stillhurtscountry- You could tell me, we could practice with each other so that maybe we can get it right next time?

NYCowboy- My father is a fuck up, hurt me and my brother real bad. I promised myself I would never be like him, that if I ever got to have kids that I would protect them with my life.

Stillhurtscountry- You're not your father.

NYCowboy- I met this kid, he lived down the hall from me and he was about 4 and one day I came home from playing basketball and he ran down the hall and wanted to play. His mom apologized, said he didn't have a dad and she should really take him to do more boy things. It started out small, him and me just playing soccor in the halls and after a while his mom let me take him to the courts, I took him to the park taught him how to throw. I guess it felt good to have him look up to me, I felt like I was doing a good job you know, that maybe I could someday be a good dad.

Stillhurtscountry- I'm still here, listening.

NYCowboy- Then I was taking him to get his bike blessed, been doing it every year and he got killed, I wasn't watching close enough and he got killed. His mom trusted me and I had to tell her that he wasn't coming home.

Stillhurtscountry- I can't imagine how bad that hurt.

NYCowboy- Yeah made it worse that I couldn't sleep, had terrible nightmares and I couldn't sleep with my girlfriend cause I didn't want her to know I wasn't sleeping cause of the nightmares. I know she would have understood, she's got nightmares of her own but I was afraid I'd you know say something and.

Stillhurtscountry- You still there Tony?

NYCowboy- She's not the kind of girl you can lie to, so I was afraid she'd see what my night mares were about and so I pushed her away. Then things started to crumble apart. Now he has no idea how to make it right.

Stillhurtscountry- I don't know where to go from here…

NYCowboy- Me either but this guy, he's willing to do anything you got any ideas?

Stillhurtscountry- I think your girlfriend needs some time. Maybe you could invite her for coffee, talk about non important things, get back to comfortable together because she probably misses her best friend.

NYCowboy- I know I miss her. We used to tease each other, I love flirting with her.

Stillhurtscountry- She probably misses it too.

NYCowboy- So maybe we can talk on here again?

Stillhurtscountry- Yeah that would be nice, I will talk to you later I need to get to bed.

NYCowboy- Sweet dreams Sally.

Stillhurtscountry- Night.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok I'm finishing this one up and it's been ridiculously hard. On one hand I want Danny and Lindsay back together but it's hard to write it because I'm not sure I would ever be able to forgive him...Anyway this is my take on how it could be and its finished but I may throw in an epilogue if I get enough reviews. Thanks for reading and I don't own CSI or any of the characters if I did I would never have made Danny a cheating loser. Thanks

"Thanks for coming." Danny said smiling almost hesitantly at Lindsay as they sat at the small diner eating lunch.

"Thanks for inviting me." She said forcing a smile hating that this was awkward.

"So uh I know dis ain't good timing but we're supposed to go to ya friends wedding next weekend." He said and she nodded not sure what to do about it. Her good friend was getting married and she hadn't even wanted to go to the wedding in Philly but he'd talked her into it, told her how much fun they'd have going away for the weekend. She didn't want to go without a date but she also wasn't sure how she could make it through and entire weekend with him.

"I." She started to talk still not sure what to say and he looked down nodding sensing her hesitation.

"What if I got my own hotel room?" He asked softly. "I'm not trying to pressure ya. I want to make things right and I have no idea how." He said honestly. "If it's to soon I get dat and I won't go."

"I'm sorry." She said sadly. "It is to soon, I just." She stopped blinking back tears. "It's just to soon." She finished hating that he looked crushed.

"Don't be sorry." He said sighing. "Ya got nothing to be sorry about." He said and she nodded hating the achingly painful silence. "I got no idea what to do here." He admitted shaking his head.

"I don't either." She admitted sipping her tea. "Danny I'm just going to be honest." She said taking a deep breath. "I don't know if this is something I can get over, I'm going to try but it's a good possibility that it won't happen so if you want to just end it now."

"NO." He interrupted. "If there's a chance, even a small one I can wait." He said heart racing. "Dis, us Lindsay." He said softly eyes bright with emotion. "It means everything and I know ya may never forgive me but I can't live with not trying." He said nodding as the waitress asked if they needed anything. "I'm terrified of making the wrong move, ya gotta tell me what to do here."

"I don't know Danny." She admitted face crumpling. "I have no idea." She said shaking her head and choking on a sob. "I have to go." She whispered getting up and hurrying out hating that she couldn't control her emotions.

"How's it going with Danny?" Stella asked as she and Lindsay ate lunch during a well deserved break from work.

"We're at a stand still." Lindsay admitted playing with her straw. "It's been almost 2 months, when will I be able to forgive him?" She asked shaking her head sadly.

"Have you tried?" Stella asked not wanting to piss Lindsay off but sick of them both walking around like kicked puppies. "I mean really tried." She stated firmly. "Lindsay it's ok if you don't forgive him, no one will blame you but if you really want to work things out you're going to have to let it go." She said and Lindsay sighed knowing she was right. "You guys have something special, I won't pretend to know why Danny screwed that up but everyone sees it. I've looked for what you guys have my whole life and I know it hurts, I can't imagine how betrayed you feel but reliving it over and over you're never going to be able to forgive him."

"I know I really do." She said nodding. "And I believe him that he's sorry and never gonna do it again I just don't know how." She stopped and lowered her voice. "I miss him but every time I think of being intimate with him I think of her, of what they did together."

"I get that." Stella said nodding knowing that would be difficult. "How long are you going to punish him, and you?" She asked. "He loves you Lindsay, the real thing and I am so afraid you'll always regret it if you let him go."

"Where is everyone?" Lindsay asked Mac as she walked into Cozy's to decorate for Stella's birthday party later that night. They're entire crew was supposed to come and help but it was already 5 and no one but her and Mac was there.

"They should be here." He said smiling from the stage.

"Beautiful piano." She said smiling wistfully at the large grand piano.

"You play?" Mac asked watching the look on her face.

"Yeah." She said nodding as he offered her his hand helping her onto the stage.

"Go ahead." He said and she blushed but sat down playing a few notes.

"I miss this about home." She said smiling as her voice echoed on the mike in front of her. "Hard to get a piano up 12 flights of stairs." She said and Mac nodded smiling as she started playing her eyes closed.

"What song is that?" He asked as she hummed.

"It's called Better in Time." She said smiling over at him. "I've been listening to it a lot."

"I'll do drums." He said moving behind the massive drum set and sitting down smiling at her. "Don't be shy." He said as she frowned. "We're alone." He said and she squinted out towards the crowd unable to see much past the stage lights.

"Ok." She said starting the song and closing her eyes as her fingers moved sensually over the keys as Mac started to drum softly to the beat of the medium speed song.

_It's been the longest winter without you  
I didn't know where to turn to  
See somehow I can't forget you  
After all that we've been through  
_"Wow." Mac whispered watching her as she sang with her eyes closed her voice strong and perfectly in tune as she effortlessly moved her fingers playing like a pro.

"Holy crap." Hawkes gasped stopping Danny, Don Flack and Jessica Angel from walking in as he heard the music and saw Lindsay sitting at the piano playing and starting to sing the sexy song with her eyes closed.

_Going  
Coming  
Thought I heard a knock(Whose there, Noone?)  
Thinking that (I deserve it)  
Now I realised  
That I really didn't knooOooOw_  
_Since there's no more you and me (No more you and me)  
This time I let you go so I can be free  
And Live my life how it should be(No No No No No No)  
No matter how hard it is  
I will be fine without you  
Yes I Will_  
"Nice." Mac said smiling over at her feeling bad seeing at her swiping at a few tears as she turned to face the wall composing herself.

If you didn't notice  
You mean everything (quickly I'm learning)  
To love again (all I know is)  
I'm be oooOook

Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's going to hurt when it heals too  
Oh yeaah (It'll All get better in time)  
Even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too  
Oooh(It'll all get better in time)

I couldn't turn on the TV  
Without something that would remind me  
Was it all that easy?  
To just put us out your feeling

If i'm dreamin  
Don't want to let it (hurt my feelings)  
But that's the past (i believe it)  
And I know that, time will heal it

If you didn't notice  
Well you mean everything (quickly i'm learning)  
To love again (All I know is)  
I'm be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
Oooh yeah(It'll all get better in time)  
Even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too oooooh(It'll all get better in time)

Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
Oooh(It'll all get better in time)  
Even though I really loved you  
I'm gonna smile cos I deserve too yes I do(It'll all get better in time)

"Dammit." Danny whispered fighting tears of his own as he walked out not sure what to say but knowing that he was killing her.  
"Crap." Lindsay said as Don Flack and Hawkes started clapping. "Thanks." She said blushing heavily and stepping down off the stage seeing Danny walking out the front door.

"Wow Linds, what are you doing being a cop if you can sing and play like that?" Don asked smiling at her.

"I don't like people watching." She said forcing a smile. "I'll be back." She said stepping around them and heading out the front door and stopping seeing Danny leaning against the wall smoking. "Hey." She said walking over not sure once again what to say to him.

"Hey." He said nodding.

"It's gonna kill you to quit again." She said glancing at the burning cigerette. He nodded knowing that he'd been a real ass last time when he quit. "We weren't dating then, when you quit before." She said leaning against the wall beside him.

"Is dis ever gonna get better Linds, cause I feel like I'm constantly getting sucker punched, every time I see ya I feel so fuckin bad." He said shaking his head. "I hate what I've done to ya." He whispered looking at her. "Ya not eating, I just, maybe I should leave ya alone cause I need ya to be ok and ya not." He said sniffling. "Ya can't be sleeping." He said seeing the dark circles under her eyes hating that she'd lost weight and wasn't sleeping because of him.

"I'm trying to." She said softly feeling bad for making him as miserable as she was. She didn't intend to make him suffer, just needed space. She didn't blame him anymore she was just trying to figure out how they could move forward. "I guess I don't sleep good without you."

"Yeah." He whispered clearing his throat and taking a deep drag of the smoke. "I'm tired of hurtin ya over and over, would it be easier on ya if I left?" He asked sincerely. "I thought, I mean I don't wanna give up but I can't see ya hurtin like dis all da time."

"Danny." She whispered face crumpling as she reached up and cupped his face. "I miss you." She whispered struggling not to sob as he rested his head on hers. He hadn't touched her for 3 months, she'd been thinking and he hadn't breached her personal space. "I need you to stop shutting me out." She said putting her finger over his lips as he started to talk. "You cannot walk all over me, this is your only chance, there will never ever be another chance." She whispered tears sliding down her pale cheeks. "I know you have your reasons and I don't care any more but if we're gonna work you're going to have to trust me. You have to let me in." She said and he nodded tears filling his eyes. "I don't want to start over." She said sniffling. "I don't want to because I love our past, I wish it didn't happen I wish I would have pushed you to open up to me but no more regrets." She said firmly. "From now on no more." She said and he nodded. "You're a good man."

"I won't let ya down." He whispered clenching his jaw trying not to sob like a baby.

"Stop punishing yourself, if I can forgive you for what happened you have to forgive yourself." She whispered and he tossed the ciggerette and pulled her tight against him clinging to her as he sagged in relief. She pulled back and grabbed his face kissing him hard sighing as she felt his mouth against hers.

"Happy Birthday to me." Stella said smiling brightly as she walked up to the bar interrupting Danny and Lindsay kissing passionately.

"Hey." Lindsay said breaking away and turning red heart still racing.

"Don't stop on my account." Stella said smiling as Lindsay blushed and Danny stared at her like he was amazed that she was really in front of him. "I'm going in." She said waving as she stepped through the doors.

"Should we?" Lindsay asked reaching down and sliding her hand into his smiling up at him.

"Yeah." He said smiling feeling at peace finally after 3 long months of hell. He wasn't stupid he knew that they had a lot of work to do but having her close, willing to forgive him he was willing to do anything to make them work.


End file.
